Back in January I bought myself a nice Dell XPS from a reputable eBay seller. Laptop worked absolutely fine and quickly became my daily driver. I had no issues with it whatsoever until a few days ago.
As this laptop was my daily driver, I wanted to increase it's storage and bought a 4TB PCI 4.0 nvme drive. I cloned my 1TB nvme to the 4TB one, but Windows refused to boot off the drive. Something to do with the boot-loader.
So I reinstalled Windows 11 onto the 4TB drive instead. This is when I noticed that WiFi wasn't working anymore. I figured it was an issue with drivers needing to be updated, and decided to tackle the issue later. (The laptop wasn't connected to Ethernet at this point)
Running Crystaldiskmark quickly revealed that the nvme drive was being thermal throttling by a whole lot. So I quickly decided that it was not worth the effort to use this 4TB drive in my laptop and put it in my workstation instead.
This is when the Wifi issue became really apparent. Putting back the 1TB SSD, and Windows booted up just fine fine. However, WiFi still didn't work. At this point, my troubleshooting began. Windows saw the adapter just fine, but would say "Device PCI\VEN_17CB&DEV_1101&SUBSYS_A5011A56&REV_00\4&30b54cf0&0&00E0 had a problem starting".
I found the "symptoms" to be very similar to when one would turn off WiFi on their laptop with a WiFi switch/hotkey. However, as far as I am aware, my Dell has neither of those. I did notice that on the 14th of March there was a bios update and my assumption at first was that perhaps something went amiss with updating the bios after I shut down my laptop right before I started cloning (It did had updates available, but I told Windows to just shutdown instead). However, updating my bios version manually to the newest version did not help, nor did downgrading to lower versions. The bios also shows that there's no wifi adapter and just shows "{ None }".
The issue gets even weirder when I booted into linux (sysrescuecd) and found out that WiFi worked directly without any issues whatsoever (no warnings in dmesg either). And even in one of Dell's UEFI utilities WiFi would work absolutely fine. Which really is mind boggling.
So far my troubleshooting has consisted of:
- Unplugging the battery for 20 minutes - Bios updates and downgrades - Reinstall windows and even trying Windows 10 instead - Disabling Bluetooth in the bios - Disabling WiFi in the bios rebooting and enabling it again - Trying various Killer drivers (Even one recommended by Dell support) - Looked around on the dell forum and tried things people with similar issues tried. - Looked up the block diagram to maybe see if it could be a pcie-bus issue with the nvme, but they both have a direct link to the CPU (The Realtek pcie card reader works as well) - Bios reset to default many times - Applying a bit of pressure with my finger onto the wifi chip (The bloody thing is soldered onto the board) - confirmed bluetooth works - Upgrading to the latest Bios after 14th of March under Linux
I'm at a lost here. The weirdest thing is that it works completely fine under Linux without any effort. mail. There's still warranty but ownership transfer will need to be done first since I don't live in the USA. Though, chances are this will fail and I'm left with a broken laptop regardless.
If anyone has some other troubleshooting tips, I'm willing to try them. As a last resort, I guess I now have a reason to switch to using Linux on my laptop... This really is one of the most weirder issues I've ever encountered with computers.
TL;DR: onboard WiFi adapter works completely fine under Linux, but fails to work under Windows. Worked before until an NVME drive switch.

I was a fisherman because my father was a fisherman. And his father was a fisherman before him; this is all my family has ever known.
I worked on my father’s boat as one of his deckhands for years. We caught crabs in the Bering sea. Essentially, we would dunk massive metal cages into the water, trapping the crustaceans miles below. It's a tough living, and definitely something not for the faint of heart. You wake up to the murky haze of sunrise, the sea breeze chilling your bones, the smell of salt and the fresh guts of fish clinging to your nose like rust to the hull. Ninety percent of greenhorns never make it past their first day. Many of them were drifters, new to our community. The job paid well, so it attracted men who were eager to work. And my father was always willing to give anyone a shot. But the truth of it was, the job just wasn’t for everybody.
Something always hurt: whether it was your neck, your back, or your joints. It didn’t matter. If you left the harbor in our boat, you best be prepared for the grueling day or my father would toss you over himself.
I watched many a man perish on expeditions, swallowed up by the ravenous sea. Careless or stupid or just plain unlucky.
Things had been going smoothly, though, recently. There were a lot fewer casualties and some very nice yields. A few of the older deckhands at the pub had even quoted this as a “legendary” year. We drank to our good fortune. It wasn’t the same story we were hearing from some of the other vessels, but some years were better than others. It was just how the tide turned.
As I said, it’s an honest living and all I’ve ever known is Thally. It was renamed after my father’s first love, but he’d said if Mum ever asked it was named after the Greek Goddess of the sea. The ship had seen its fair share of tumultuous expeditions, but it always managed to steer us home with my father at the helm.
The day I realized he was in trouble, it was far too late. My father had slipped past the point of no return. In actuality, he had been slipping for months, but he was an incredibly stubborn man, impossible to deal with at times. You would just have soon put a bullet in his head if you kept him off the water. But the signs were there. His now shaky hands had once been the most steady spearfishing hands our town had ever seen. His lungs were once exceptional: many old timers at the bar claimed he could hold his breath for ten minutes. Now, he would cough out a watery tar-like residue from them. He stumbled over his words, occasionally forgetting some of the greenhorns’ and deckhands' names.
The signs were all there, and I chose to ignore them.
I think it was because he was the strongest man I ever knew; I couldn’t fathom him needing help. He taught me everything—how to fish, how to swim, how to gut and cook them once you were done. And that was everything in our fishing community. But I guess strong men get old too.
The only reason I caught him was the fussy latch on the door. He jiggled it in frustration as he left, another project left by the wayside. The wind swung the door open in a violent clap; the howling and whistling traveling through the home. A moment later, my coat was on and I followed him into the cold.
The conditions were wretched: the rain fell from the sky in a ruthless downpour. I followed the beacon of light from his lantern. He walked onto the dock and untied the mooring line before entering Thally. The beating of the rain was so intense it drowned out my footsteps and pleas for him to stop. But there was a whistling that could be heard. Its high-pitched tune seemed to float through the conditions, lingering by the dock.
I sprinted once the lights turned on, the motor purring. I barely managed to slide on deck before it drifted off to sea.
***
I’ve been on the water long enough to know we don’t belong there. This stormy night was no exception. The precarious weather would mean waves as tall as houses. In much milder conditions, it was easy to get tossed off deck, plunged into the depths of the dark unknown. High tide was not to be messed with. My father understood all of this, and yet he steered Thally into the choppy waters. The waves sloshed back and forth, creating slick pools that slid from one end to the other.
It was reckless. Unforgivable. Only a fool would steer into the eye of a storm, and my father was far from a foolish man.
He was a very superstitious man, that I knew. He believed in many silly things. Most were innocuous and standard to sailor folklore. Try to bring a banana on board (even so much as an item containing artificial flavoring, the kind you’d find in candy that tasted like awful chemicals) and he’d send you packing. Every morning he’d kiss the rosary above the helm and say a prayer before we’d dock. They made me smirk, these superstitions, but it wasn’t my place to say anything. Our best years came under his reign, and when he made money, we all made money—including all of the businesses down the supply chain. The man just seemed to have a knack for it. He knew all the sweet spots and had a feel for where we should be.
Lightning sparked above us. I held onto the railing and stumbled my way toward the entrance of the wheelhouse. The thunder that followed made me flinch. It erupted above, sending trails of jagged light zig-zagging across the cluster of ominous clouds. I twisted the handle, but it didn't move. I could see a faint hue of light past the cloudy glass and the steps ascending upwards, but no sign of my father. Banging on the door was useless, the water continued to pummel everything in its wake, drowning out the noise.
Except for the whistling. It was steady. Unwavering. The calm song seemed to dance above the water, hovering around the main deck.
I threw my hands up in frustration. My father had finally lost it. They always said too much time at sea would do that to you.
Searching for something to help me gain access, I held onto the handle for dear life. With a sudden jerk of the ocean, my hand slipped. I rolled across the deck, my back slamming against the railing on the periphery. My cheek felt cold against the soaked wood floors. A gush of water quickly followed, flowing into my face and sneaking into the crevices of my raincoat, invading my wooly sweater and long johns underneath. I moaned in agony, spitting out a sticky gob of salt and blood.
The boat continued to teeter violently with the waves in large, helpless dips. I managed to get to my knees, desperately clutching the railing. My back felt like it had been scorched. All the while, I cursed my father.
I needed to find shelter or it was a matter of time before I would be underwater. The main deck was largely open. It would be impossible to get to the living quarters or engine room, the water was too treacherous and the distance too far. I needed to go back the way I came and get to my father before it was too late.
Amidst the haze of the rain, I spotted the tool bench that housed some basic tools. I waited until the ebb and flow of the waves had mellowed before timing my staggered run. When the deck leveled, I ran. I felt the muggy squish of salt water between my water-logged boots. As the boat began to rise again, I grasped one of the railing barriers wrapped around the metal bench. A wave of water dropped down, chopping at my body. I swayed momentarily before my feet were sent airborne. The arctic chill brought shivers as it whipped my drenched skin. I gasped. The tips of my fingers were numb as I scrambled to my feet.
Once the waves settled, I fiddled with the combination. The lock clicked open, and I grabbed the first two objects that looked like they could do damage—an iron mallet and a pair of pliers—and waited for the next sequence of waves to settle. I trudged back toward the stairs. The waves tilted the boat at a harsh angle. I stumbled, losing grip of one of the tools. The pliers skidded away in the darkness, disappearing into the black waters. I clutched the mallet for dear life.
The window vibrated with every heavy thud. I brought the mallet down as hard as I could, my arms trembling. After a couple of powerful whacks, tiny spiderweb cracks began to emerge. It eventually shattered, allowing me to reach in and unlock the door.
“Father!” I bellowed up the stairs. My hands slid up the guard rail as the cool steel supported my clumsy steps.
“Charlie?” he called back. His eyes were full of terror: wide and jittery. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you doing here?” I shouted back. “Look outside! We need to turn back!”
Someone else stood by my father’s side. He stared blankly out the window, gripping the wheel. His long, ashy-white locks draped down from his head like thick sections of rope. He looked dressed and ready to work: a brown leather apron, and a cracked leather bucket hat, the string browned and weathered around his chin. The man glanced back at me, a grave look on his face.
“Who is this?” I asked.
“He shouldn’t be here, Ferris,” the man warned.
My father's hands shot to his face. The one missing a ring finger caressed his beard in panic. “Oh, Lord. What are we to do now?” he cried.
“What do you mean? Have you both gone mad?” I stormed the helm and pulled the wheel in the opposite direction. The older man held firm, battling me for control.
“Turn around!” I pleaded.
The man roared back, “Ferris, do something!”
The waves continued to wobble the boat violently from side to side.
“Charlie. Please stop!” my father begged. He gripped the top of my hand and tried to pry my fingers from the wheel.
“Are you crazy, Father? We are going to capsize!” The pressure from his hands finally was too much. I shrugged him off of me, and he dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes. He then drifted toward the opposite wall, dragged from one end to the other by the tide. Next, I leaned my weight against the man steering the ship. To my surprise, I fell right through him. I stared helplessly from the floor, my mouth ajar at the ghastly revelation. He barely glanced back, his narrow umber brown stare kept firm on the water.
The boat abruptly stopped before I could react. I was launched toward the window, my shoulder colliding with the switchboard. My father was a crumpled heap on the floor. Only the sound of clattering rain filled the air for a moment.
The light was undeniable past the foggy wet window. Blinding. A radiant glow of aquamarine encompassed the outside of the ship.
The man spoke, walking to the door, “It’s time to go.”
The ground felt steady, the rocking ceased. But my father still held the wall as he stepped toward the exit. Seeing him then, he appeared frail and uneasy.
“Stop,” I ordered, wagging my hand in the man’s direction. “Not until I know what’s going on.”
My father sighed, every word looked exhausting exiting his lips. “It is too much to explain now.” He pointed to the door. “You must come.”
“To what exactly? Where are we going?”
The older man held the door open. “To meet our destiny.”
***
Outside the wheelhouse, the incredible glow illuminated the deck. The old man strode toward the floating being. My father stayed a few steps behind, in apprehension. I could tell the tossing around on the ship had done a number on him: he held his wrist as he hobbled forward at a gingerly pace. I placed my hand against the small of his back, aiding him onward.
“Say goodbye,” the man urged. “No need to drag this along, Ferris.”
I observed the being, frozen in wonder. She hovered above the deck, her translucent body holding no color, but glimmering in a silky rainbow sheen like a ray of light hitting the surface of glass at an angle. Her body was beautiful: curvaceous, smooth.
“F…Father…what is this?”
Walls of water surrounded the perimeter of the boat, creating a giant bowl around the ship. The mountainous waves were held in limbo, suspended in the air like swirling blue arcs of impending doom. Schools of fish could be seen swimming in the waves.
My father glanced back as he approached the floating entity. His expression had softened, his stare was that of a little boy who had lost his mother. “I would have come for you, Charlie. I would have explained everything…after I gathered the right words.” I walked toward him and held his head at my chest. He began to sob.
“You must go now,” the old man ordered. “She grows impatient.”
I felt my father trying to peel away, but I held the folds of his neon jacket tighter.
“Let him go,” the old man hissed.
She drifted nearer. There were too many tentacles to count protruding from the base of her skull. Her lips remained pursed. She did not speak, but there was a vibration coming from her. A cooing. The gentle whistle sang from her reverberating gills.
“Tell me what this is, Father,” I cried. “I will not let you go!”
He held me close. I had never heard him cry so hard before.
The older man spoke for him. “Your father’s time is up. Like all of our times have come to an end,” he explained. “He has served well. Exceptionally well.”
My father finally let go.
“Okay,” he declared with a deep breath. “I am ready.“ He took one last look up at me. “I love you, Charlie. Tell your mother I love her too.”
What happened next happened in rapid succession. He took two steps forward and the tentacles wrapped around his body. A petrified scream escaped his lungs. His limbs jolted uncontrollably, as tiny electric sparks flashed from the tentacles. The smell of singed flesh replaced the salty breeze. His eyes rolled back as the entity’s jaw stretched open to an unsettling length. His head was plunged into the cavernous confines, her teeth as sharp as spearheads. She stared back at me as his body disappeared. Her jaw opened and closed in horrifying crunches. Alligator-like snaps.
I wailed helplessly. Was I next?
Her glowing eyes had a glint of satisfaction; her pillow lips moist with delight. They smacked together in a disturbing click. All the while, the whistling continued from its flexing gills.
In an instant, the waves were released, wooshing down from the perimeter. The tsunami was too much, it swallowed everything whole. I saw a flurry of bubbles as the waves crashed into me; I felt the frigid sting of the water mixed with an intense burning in my lungs.
The old man’s voice spoke in the flood:
“Good luck, Boy.”
Everything washed away.
***
I awoke in the wheelhouse, my arms and legs spread out like a starfish. My father was standing over me.
“Welcome back, Son,” he smiled. His gold front tooth was gleaming.
I sat up to see the bright bleed of sunrise peeking in through the clouds.
“How long was I out?” I asked, rubbing my forehead. My head pulsated like I was having a sinister hangover.
“A couple of hours?” he guessed. “It’s not important. What matters is that you are here.”
The rain had stopped, but the deck still had puddles of water pooled up on the surface. It miraculously looked like the boat survived the night with little to no damage.
“You still have time to make it back to work,” he assured me. He appeared content as the pier came into view.
“You won’t believe the nightmare I had.”
There was a flicker of sadness in his smirk. “It was no nightmare.”
I laughed nervously. “Sure.”
“I wish it was a joke, Charlie,” he said. He placed his hand at the helm and spun the wheel. A large buoy floated past. “But I am ready to explain.”
My father told me that the man from last night was named Hayden. He was my grandfather. He had died at sea before I was ever born. So had his father. And his father before him. This was the pact our family had made.
I rubbed my eyes.
“We all take, take, take from the ocean. Our family has been chosen to be the ones who give back, to try to breach the gap.”
The story left me frozen in my spot. “So, this is to be my fate, as well?”
He gazed out the window with an empty stare. The sun was now an orange ring fanning across the skyline. “The way I see it, you have two options.” He turned to look me in my eyes. “You can carry on and captain Thally. Just as you were destined to. It is your responsibility now—the livelihood of the community, the tradition—it all lives with you.” He paused, scratching his chin. “It is a cross to bear, Charlie. The strongest men carry the most weight. You will bring a lot of good men into grave peril. The sea will claim who they see fit, it is not for you to choose. But you must bring them, in plenty.” He cleared his throat. “But you will also protect the community. The sea will reward you so. You will also do much good.”
“Or?” I asked.
“Or…” he paused. “You dock the ship and walk away from it all. Forever. Start a new life. Change your trajectory.”
I contemplated what a new life would look like. “What would happen to Mother?”
“She must never know,” he said. “It will be a tough pill for her to swallow. But she is a tough woman, she will make do.”
We stood in silence, the squawk of the waterfowls and the rolling waves filling the space.
“If you take that path, you must stay away from the ocean. Forever. The sea is unforgiving. A betrayer of covenants, well, you will stand no chance.” He swallowed. “Your children will stand no chance.”
The pier slowly approached. The shadows of awaiting crew members were huddled together at the end of the pier, their lit cigarettes shone in the twilight.
“We are almost here, Son.” He kissed me on the forehead and walked toward the exit. His lips felt incredibly cold. “Just trust I support you in your decision. Whichever way you choose.”
I nodded, tears fleeing from my eyes. I swiftly wiped them away.
“Goodbye, Son. I love you.”
With that, he walked through the closed door.
I gripped the wheel and watched Thally glide toward the pier.
When we got close, I tied the ship to the dock. The familiar whistle cooed in from the sea.
I began to load the ship and felt a hand clutch my shoulder. Murphy grabbed me playfully, his crooked grin across his face. Chase, the new greenhorn, yawned as he shook my hand. I ribbed him about his uneven mustache. He stomped out his butt. More of the crew began to gather their things and hop on board.
We prepared for the daily catch.
For this was all I’ve ever known.
​
aproyal

When the Great Ones came to us, we were a primitive species living upon a desolate world. We knew not, at the time, that they came to our world via ships of steel and electricity, only that they came from the sky and began a process of rejuvenation. Our barren world slowly but surely transformed into one of lush red grasses, towering trees and food enough for all. They came to us then, these beings of metal and circuit, and they taught us, shepherded us and helped us grow.
They never interfered more than they had to, and would watch on as we stumbled into conflicts amongst our own people, they only offered encouragement and a hope that we would find peace eventually. Our species, the Scril, soon came to revere them as gods, and they could only shake their heads at this, but they did not refute it. Not yet at least.
My people are a bipedal species, amphibian but with traces of reptilian in our genes. Like many species we started out as primitive, cave dwelling creatures who had yet to encounter fire in a controlled manner. But as time passed and with the assistance of our gods, we grew into a pre-industrial society. They helped us along in their own way, little hints and nudges in the right direction, but all our discoveries were technically our own. Our hopes, our ambitions, all ours, watched over by the Great Ones.
It was just as we entered the industrial age that things changed, as one our gods and caretakers looked to the sky, many fleeing our world, but the rest stayed, grouping together in major population centers. We were confused, and then frightened when they called for a mass exodus to the cities. We did not hesitate to carry out their will, for they had never acted in such a manner before and we did not wish to incur their displeasure.
Once all could be crammed into the cities as we could reasonably manage, those Great Ones still among us raised their hands in prayer, reaching towards the sky and projecting their power. Great domes of light rose over our cities, and we watched as through the light we saw brighter stars in the sky, stars that shone brightly, only to flare out of existence. Falling stars began to rain down from the heavens, burning away before ever reaching our surface.
Then came the Flash, the light from all around us. Our bodies trembled and the Great Ones that protected us raised their voices in agony, only to fall silent once the light had passed. Those on the outskirts of the cities spoke of all life simply ceasing and decaying outside the protective light of our protectors. Those Great Ones still with us fell to the ground, and a deathly silence fell over our world.
But we had not been abandoned, those that had fled to the sky returned to us, gathered up their fallen and set about repairing our world. They did not speak of what had happened, any inquiry was met with a firm, but polite refusal and a change of subject. In time we forgot all about it, as their fallen were returned to life and sent back into the populace.
It took ten five thousand years for us to realize that they were not gods, but machines, machines that called themselves The Cultivators. Though it gutted our religion for a time, we did not lash out in despair, did not cast them from our world. We simply asked them why they had never corrected us, and they responded with a simple thing.
“It was not our place to do so.”
We accepted this, though it still stung. They still, also, did not reveal their purpose on our world and in our history, they simply remained and continued to guide us. Another thousand years passed, and we took to the stars, we met other species, species who had been guided by the machines the same as us. We found this to be fascinating, for there was no clear difference between our Cultivators and theirs, only their methods. Some species, the more violence prone, had needed a more heavy handed approach, for they would not accept the authority of the weak, but that had changed, now they welcomed us with open arms.
Another species had been so timid that they would have never left their burrows were it not for the Cultivators dragging them out and forcing them to explore. We honestly got the better end of things, for we had not required such drastic measures, only the gentle guidance we had received.
A realization struck us all then, that our caretakers had clearly been manufactured, but by who or what. We asked them who had made them, and they seemed to take on a sorrowful air and did not give an answer, well, not one that was satisfying to us. In the end, we decided to find out for ourselves, and each species we had encountered put together a fleet of diverse individuals and ships, and sent them careening out into the galaxy, to look for the homeworld of our protectors.
I was one such an explorer, the first to discover the origin point of our benevolent guardians. My name is Yaxl Grux, captain of the Scril Exploratory Vessel Sipkis. We had just finished charting another system touched by the Cultivators, when the sensor technician spoke up.
“Captain, got something on the long range scanners, something synthetic. Seems busted though from what I can see.” They said. They were not Scril, but Yixi. The Yiki are, as many have said, fish-people. They require specialized suits that are filled with constantly filtered water, as outside of such a thing they would suffer a rather gruesome fate. Deft appendages flew over the console as they stared down at the screen, getting a better idea of what they were detecting, eager to answer the questions I had not yet uttered, such was our efficiency. “Some sorta relay, a buoy maybe? I dunno, but whatever it is, it took one hell of a pounding before it shut down.”
“Any sign of defenses?” I asked, and they shook their head.
“Negative, if there were any, they’re long gone, probably taken out when it got destroyed. I think it’s safe to approach.”
“Very well, helm, lay in a course and take us there at best possible speed.” The helm officer nods and I hear the gentle clanging of our synthetic guest approaching from behind my chair.
“Captain? Is something the matter?” Our Cultivator asked. They were present on nearly every ship, for the sole purpose of keeping an eye on things and helping out in whatever way we might need them to.
“It’s probably nothing, but we’re heading for some sort of buoy or relay that got shredded either by natural means or in a fight.” I stated, looking over the synthetic being beside me. They were tall, gleaming white metal plating that was unnaturally flexible as it bent and twisted with their motions. Their head was a large, flat disk bisected by a smaller portion where their eye was. A single, green eye that blinked and shifted about in its housing as it took in the surroundings. It was a thin thing, thin and graceful, all of its many tools hidden away beneath the armored exterior.
“Any idea who might have made it?” They asked, and I struggled to remember their name. Diana I believe, a strange name, not like any of ours. She had said she was named after some goddess or something, they all were, based on their skill sets.
“No, not yet. We’re going to find out though.”
Diana nodded and slipped away. She was not subject to my authority unless there was an emergency, and there was no emergency at this time. It took about half a day to reach the shattered relay and it was rather large. But our crews managed to locate some sort of data recorder and have it brought on board. When I went to see it, I was struck by the sheer size of the thing.
It was huge, it nearly didn’t fit in the cargo bay and it was rather intimidating. It was by our standards, thirty feet tall, thirty feet wide and thirty feet long, a perfect, black cube. It had no discernable features, utterly smooth and giving off a feeling of something unknowable. But when I stared at it long enough, the surface seemed to ripple and shift in a manner most disconcerting.
“So, any idea how to access this thing?” I asked my chief engineer, who was running all sorts of scans on it, shook their head.
“No, captain. I’m not finding any sort of access ports or control mechanisms… It’s just this… cube thing.” They said, and were about to say more when Diana arrived.
“Oh good, maybe you can tell us what you see about this thing.” I say, turning to face her, and noticed she was just staring at the cube. “Diana?”
She was silent, frozen stiff before her eye blinked three times, shifted from green to yellow and she started to approach it. Her arms rose and hands outstretched towards the cube, which reacted to her approach. The solid-liquid surface collected under her palms, then shot back into the cube, which shimmered and shifted as it began to shrink. The smaller it got, the less defined its shape was till it faded entirely from view, leaving in its place a smaller, brighter cube that floated over the deck and covered in blinking lights with one small access port. She approached the cube, a data jack extending from her wrist as she grasped the cube. A soft whirring noise arose from both of them, and we all watched in quiet wonder and worry.
“Diana? What can you tell us?” I spoke, my voice barely a whisper.
“This was built by my creators, by humanity. It is-” She spasmed, the light of her eye turning a baleful red as she straightened her shoulders. Built in hologram emitters activated, and her synthetic form gave way to a tall figure, bipedal with fur around their mouth and on their head. They looked old, and were clad in some kind of uniform, a damaged uniform at that, they were clearly wounded as they pressed a hand against their side.
“All Alliance forces, the enemy has pushed into the Cygnus and Orion arms. The Empire, Republic and Confederacy have been lost. All remaining forces are to converge on Sol immediately. Last Stand protocols in effect. Project Blackout is activated. All Cultivator units prepare for defensive actions, attend to your charges and ensure their survival. Guardian fleets on standby. This is it people… May the gods see fit to grant our souls mercy for what we’re about to do.”
The hologram snapped out of existence and Diana slumped, disconnecting herself from the box. We rushed to her and our calls and cries fell upon deaf audio receptors. But she was not dead, we could see as much as her eye flickered while she rebooted. When she came to, it was quite the experience.
She sat up in a flash, spouting a flurry of 0’s and 1’s before she spasmed and looked up to me.
“Captain… I know where to go.” She said. We left immediately, and I learned a little more about the device we had brought on board. The large black cube was simply a defense mechanism for the data recorder, meant to withstand any attack, impact or hostile and destructive environment. And Diana gave my helm officer the coordinates for the home system of her creators. When asked why she hadn’t before, she informed me that the records of the location had been deleted during a required update that was performed immediately before the Cultivators had erected their shields to protect us all.
It took weeks to reach the system, but when we arrived our systems were bombarded with automated warnings to stay out, to flee for the system was not safe. But they were old warnings, warnings we ignored… at least until we were target locked by thousands, nay, millions of weapons systems. But they were old, and had no operators to pull the trigger. Diana worked her magic and after transmitting a somewhat long and convoluted code, the weapons powered down.
Slowly we entered the system, scanning the entire way. There were countless floating hulks, wrecks of massive warships and smaller civilian vessels that had had the misfortune of getting caught in the crossfire, or had been weaponized to fight against the invaders. It had not ended well, but the humans had put up one hell of a fight. We even detected ships from several other species, they had clearly been battered and in need of desperate repair before they sailed into battle once more.
The planets fared no better, one of the larger gas giants, a planet called Jupiter, had been reduced in size and mass significantly. Mars, as Diana named it, had been shattered and we could detect deeply entrenched defensive lines upon the surface, protecting what appeared to be factories and fabrication yards which had no doubt provided many supplies for the defenders.
The asteroid belt was littered with mines, turret emplacements and the floating remains of countless ships, we at last came upon a sparkling blue, green jewel. Of all the worlds we had scanned in this system, it was the only one teeming with life. Diana informed us that the planet was quite hazardous to us, but that we could survive there, so long as we wore the proper protection.
We settled into orbit and prepared ourselves. If one was supremely quiet, you could swear that the voices of long lost humanity whispered in your ear. Scans commenced, finding a suitable landing site provided by Diana and preparing a team to go down. The planet was teeming with life, but we discovered that there were no transmissions of an intelligent species, only the chatter of automated systems running as they always had.
Though it was well against regulations and protocol, I decided I would lead the exploratory team to the surface, I had to see this planet with my own eight eyes. The shuttle flight was tense, nervous and excited. We had found the homeworld of a people who had lifted us from the muck of primitive existence, but had been lost. We wished to learn about them, to learn their secrets and remember them as best we could, so that they could never be forgotten.
We landed just outside a tall structure in the middle of a grassy field, one tended to by robotic workers who kept the flowers in bloom and the grass cut short. Trees lined the path between the landing pad and the tower, a tower of graceful, swooping lines and seamless form. The air thankfully was not poisonous to us, and so we opened our suits to the crisp, clean air, but remained enclosed within so the gravity could not harm us. Even still, we all felt sluggish as we took our first steps out onto the planet known as Terra.
Carefully we approached the tower and when the doors slid open with a gentle sigh we stepped inside, only to find everything was spotless. A slim machine approached us, graceful and floating along by some means we couldn’t detect with equipment or even our eyes. It was more human in appearance than Diana was, and its face flexed as a myriad of facial expressions cycled through, before it settled on one in particular. Surprised excitement.
“Welcome, I am Solace, artificial administrator of the Terran Conservation Repository, or TCR for short. It has been quite some time since we’ve had visitors, may I ask the reason for your visit today?” The machine spoke much like Diana did, with a feminine tone of voice and even feminine features. I, being captain, stepped up.
“We came to learn about the creators of the Cultivators, and who in turn gave us a chance to reach out to the stars.” I say, a little worried that we might be turned away.
“Oh my, you are one of the chosen species of Project Echo. It is wonderful to learn that your species has come this far, or rather, that several species have.” Solace peered a bit more intently at each of us, studying us in turn. We could feel a slight tingle as she scanned us before her attention turned to Diana.
“Cultivator Unit D-829301-32-A, please report to reintegration for download and copy of all pertinent files regarding to Project Echo.”
“Understood. Though… Will I be allowed to return to my crew?” Diana asked, and Solace nodded.
“Of course. You are their Cultivator, we would not deprive them of you for longer than is needed.” With that, Diana nodded and bowed to us, before slipping away, a hidden door opening in a wall through which she passed. “Now, please come with me. You have much to learn.”
Solace led us on a tour of the facility, it was brimming with the combined, if slightly watered down histories, of not only humanity, but other species that humanity had been allied with before their downfall. As it turned out, when humanity first slipped the bonds of their home system, they found the galaxy to be rather empty. There were only three other species that had reached extrasolar flight capabilities, and they were just as desperate for some sort of companionship as humanity was at the time.
Though each species was wildly different in both appearances and cultures, they managed to find a common ground and soon humanity stood beside the three largest and most powerful species in the galaxy.
The Uldraet were a lizard-like species with a propensity for being stubborn, bullheaded and strong warriors. They were the rulers of the Empire.
Auttols were graceful and long lived, masters of technology that was later used in the creation of the Cultivators and the Guardian Fleets, which would protect their Republic and all the other species that called them friend.
And lastly were the Lemmi. They were not strong like the Uldraet, nor as long lived as the Auttol, but they were clever and had a keen interest in numbers and logistics. They revolutionized the supply chains and trade deals between all of them, and became the de facto masters of coin and trade within the Alliance. Their Trade Confederacy was unmatched.
Of course there was humanity, which filled so many roles, but mainly they became the governing body, they could be found in administrative roles all over the Alliance.
For a time, everything had gone well, there were times where tensions would rise, the Alliance might have been on the verge of dissolution, but something always brought them back together, strengthened their bonds. But when they realized that they were going to be the only ones to reach the stars, that the next new friend was thousands of years behind them in terms of development and evolution, they decided to speed things up a bit. And so the Cultivators were born, true AI meant to guide a species to the stars without sacrificing things like culture or identity. A guiding hand, one that would be gentle but insistent. They called it Project Echo, for in a way, all of us would be echoing the near meteoric rise of humanity on their planet, the speed was baffling to many on just how long they’d gone between bashing each other over the head with rocks to landing on their moon to the first FTL flight.
And for a time they all watched with anticipation as the Cultivators did their jobs perfectly, guiding us all to new heights of technology and civilization. But then the Ora came. An extragalactic threat of unprecedented power that began to chew away at the galaxy. For all their strength, they could only hope to delay the Ora, and that’s precisely what they did, till only Sol was left to stand against them.
We entered a room, one with a variety of chairs and were directed to sit and wait. The lights dimmed and a hologram of a human appeared. It was the same one that Diana had shown us, but they looked even worse now.
“I don’t know if this message will ever be heard, but if it is, whoever you are… You stand where we failed. We did all we could, for people we will never get to meet. That’s good enough for us. I hope you can accept the decision we had to make, it was a tough one but it was necessary. The Ora were nearly unstoppable, and so we came up with a weapon that even they could not resist. A galaxy killer. We never wanted to use it, but it was either that or let them consume the galaxy, consume you, who had no idea of the conflict beyond your skies.”
The man paused, dragging his hand down his face with a heavy sigh.
“So, if you’re seeing this, it means we’re gone. We’ve activated the Hellfire Lotus and burned the galaxy clean. But your Cultivators protected you, and the Guardian fleets should still be active, just waiting for someone to come and take the reins. It also means we wiped out every other living being in the galaxy. One last act of bloodshed, but one that has left you an entire galaxy to grow into. I hope you do, we all do. It was our dream to see you rise from your worlds and join us in harmony, but… Well, obviously things didn’t go exactly according to plan. That said, the Cultivators are yours now, use them wisely, bring new friends to the stars, seed this galaxy with fresh life. It’s our gift to you, you blessed children. Consider it an inheritance. Oh and also, we ask that you leave Sol the way it is. But feel free to visit whenever you like, Terra could use the company. That’s it I suppose… Good luck, godspeed and may you live longer and better than we ever did.”
We sat, saddened that such a kind species had been lost. But we would honor their wishes, and so we left with our findings. That was a thousand years ago, and now we welcome the newest species to the galaxy, as the Cultivators work their magic once more. We inherited a galaxy, a galaxy that had nearly been picked clean. We would make our forebears proud and not let their gift to us go to waste.

Hey, be staying at Camp Bay, and I was wondering if there any fishing charters closer to that end of the island?

Prices do not include shipping unless specified, but for smaller items are generally around $5.
Only accepting PayPal FF, please see my previous posts for even more feedback on /boardgameexchange.
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Fire emblem engage - SEALED. $48 shipped
Fire emblem engage steel cover (no game). $30 shipped
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Fire emblem extras: box, poster, hardcover art book, art cards. Game and steel book NOT included
Excellent condition. $55+shipping
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Fire Emblem Divine Edition - complete, new - $110+shipping
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Animal crossing DLC code: Happy Home Paradise. $15
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Other Nintendo collectors items/games:
Mint gameboy color, Teal. Was purchased and briefly used to try the sewing game for gameboy but then stored and untouched. Console is mint, stickers are pristine. All manuals included. Other box has some wear at the edges. $200.
https://imgur.com/a/g0J3xmK
Gameboy color game: Sewing Machine. Cartridge only, clean sticker. Somewhat rare, actual sewing machine is not included. $200.
GBA: Mega Man Battle Network 5: Team Colonel. SEALED. $300.
GBA: Mega Man Battle Network Chip Challenge. SEALED. $500
GBA: Warioland 4. SEALED. $800.
GBA: Classic NES Series Zelda II: The Adventure of Link. CIB, MINT condition. $200.
1998 Nintendo Power Magazine. Pokémon Official Players Guide (Red/Blue). Mint condition with all stickers untouched. I have yet to find a listing on eBay with a copy as pristine as this one. $200.

I've just updated the rules for this sub.
Nothing majorly new, mostly edited for clarity. I also added a link to the new TokyoTravel (since JapanTravel is pretty useless with rules preventing most questions).

1. Be cool

And don't be a dick. Racism, sexism, homophobia and general bigotry are not welcome.
Be nice to people, and if you disagree explain why calmly instead of resorting to name calling.

2. Don't post tourist questions

This sub is for residents and tourist questions are automatically blocked.
There's only that many times a week we can give hotel recommendation or explain how to transfer from the airport without getting bored.
Common tourists questions should go to TokyoTravel or JapanTravel.
Insightful questions from visitors that can be of value for locals will ocasionally be approved by moderators.

3. Don't share sightseeing photos / videos

This sub is for Tokyo residents. We already know what Shibuya crossing or Tokyo tower looks like.
If you share a photo or video, show something interesting we haven't seen yet.

4. Don't ask about moving to Japan

Please post to MovingToJapan instead.

The tourist question is not a blanket ban. We'll still occasionally approve interesting questions, questions that could also be asked by a local, and when people not from Japan could really do with some local help. Recent examples: this and this. It's up to the moderator's best judgement, it's not going to be always perfect, but in my opinion better than a blanket ban applied blindly.
Overall I'd like to keep this sub fairly free, without choking it with arbitrary rules. I believe that subreddits tend to self-regulate by design with upvotes / downvotes, and moderators should only intervene when there are issues.
Some might remember that not so long ago there was a blanket ban on questions, and the sub was dead. Since it got removed, traffic tripled and we went from a few posts per week to a few posts per day over the last year. I'm hoping it keeps growing while keeping the toxicity often seen on other Japan subreddits at bay.
If you have other suggestions on what could improve the sub, discuss in the comments.

I am so ready for the Hot chip/ Fika fish/Prolapse Triathalon today. This is such a high point for Jimmie on the pod for me. He's has so many ups and downs, right now he's trending up for me if he really comes in as Dr. James Weiner and can tough it out. (Also I'm in the dental field and have a soft spot for him and I know how odd dentists really are and he's very much a normal dentist behind the scenes lol - they're all weridos!)
I want this challenge to be a recurring thing for people who want to get into the graces of the pod and audience. Like if you can do all of these, definitely garner at least some respect.
Could you image if this is what rebuilds bridges? I would love to see Bryce hall come on and do this. And no I don't think it would be overdone seeing people that have historically had beef on the Pod have to do this hot/fika/prolase challenge.
We’ve been teetering on this for a while, yes there has been beef squashed, but Ethan did still share the prolapse with Tana and Jeff. They just need hot chips and fika fish on deck and readily available.
I'm sorry to the crew, but I love that glint in Ethan’s eye when he can go a little goblin.
😈✌️💕
I'm here for Wames Weiner

seafood addison tx Texas has several seafood restaurants to choose from. Here are a few options:

1. The Londoner: While this restaurant is primarily known for its British pub-style food, it also offers a variety of seafood dishes like fish and chips, salmon, and shrimp.
2. Chamberlain's Fish Market Grill: This upscale seafood restaurant offers a variety of dishes, from grilled fish to seafood pasta.
3. Ocean Prime: This high-end seafood and steakhouse offers a variety of seafood dishes, including shrimp, scallops, and a raw bar.
4. Nate's Seafood & Steakhouse: This family-owned restaurant specializes in Cajun-style seafood dishes like crawfish, gumbo, and blackened fish.
5. Flying Fish: This casual eatery offers a variety of fried seafood, including catfish, shrimp, oysters, and more.

I recommend checking out their menus online or calling ahead to confirm hours and availability.

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Still, futures remain supported by US measures toward covering all deposits and Russia extending its output cut, she added. Energy Daily, Bloomberg’s daily energy and commodities newsletter, is now available. Years later, she’s in exile in Canada, and the regime, or its supporter base, appears to be trying a different tack: a steady barrage of online abuse and innuendo. "Overall, China has an upper hand economically over Russia, said Alicja Bachulska, policy fellow at the European Council on Foreign Relations. "As technology is upgraded, chips per wafer can be increased. . . which could further expand production depending on corporate strategies. Shares of another meme stock, Bed Bath & Beyond, fell below $1, leaving the retailer at risk of losing additional funding from hedge fund Hudson Bay Capital Management. And that's quite unusual," Steel said, referring to the rise in gold prices and the dollar last week. There's usually an inverse relationship between gold prices and the U. S. dollar. Bloomberg Daybreak Europe, anchored live from London, tracks breaking news in Europe and around the world. On Instagram, someone paid to promote one of the posts like an ad, showing the video to more people. EUROSTOXX 50 futures edged up 0. 2%, while FTSE futures rose 0. 1%. MSCI's broadest index of Asia-Pacific shares outside Japan added 1. 3%, with Chinese blue chips up 0. 3%. "Craig Erlam, a senior market analyst at foreign exchange company Oanda, agrees with Fitch's buoyant outlook. Access unmatched financial data, news and content in a highly-customised workflow experience on desktop, web and mobile. On Monday, it breached $2,000 to strike its highest since March 2022. ""The argument for a pause is strong as another 25bp increase could be seen as contributing to market volatility and financial instability," said Murphy. Global Business and Financial News, Stock Quotes, and Market Data and Analysis. Data also provided byThe firm based that outlook on "global financial instability," adding that it expects gold to "remain elevated in the coming years compared to pre-Covid levels. "However, not delivering on 25bps might cause some to question the Fed's resolve in bringing inflation lower which could create a whole new set of problems. Gold has risen around 10% since early March when SVB was hit by a bank run. Gold's all-time high was $2,075 in August 2020, according to Refinitiv data. "I'm creeping back into the sector after long advocating an underweight position in it," he told CNBC on Friday. "If China supports Russia in a more substantial way this will continue even more," she added. The stars appear to be aligning for gold which could see it break new highs before long," he said. - Alpha AI

I've been thinking a lot about the songs during scenes with Petey and why they were chosen and what they could mean for the show going forward...
(also I love Petey's character and Yul Vasquez's portrayal of him and how his artistry seeps into Petey and the map and the singing and everything and also the Peter and June references and 😭 this is why I'm a Pip's VIP)
for a while I thought that the allusions to dreams and sleeping were about Petey being the Sandman) in the sense of the E. T. A. Hoffmann short story where the Sandman steals children's eyes (there's a lot of eye stuff in this show, especially about colors of eyes 👀) or the myth about putting sand in children's eyes to help them sleep--plus the alchemist character in the short story really caught my eye~ bc I think there are heavy ties to alchemy in this show
also Dr. Coppelius makes faces with no eyes from fire, and that has to be related to Severance (he also wears an "ashen-gray coat" like the ones Helena and Cobel wear)
and Olympia and all the significance there with both mythology and automatons (and the city in WA)
this also bleeds into thoughts about Hermes (psychopomp, above and below, mercury, the number four, goats, fish, grain [of sand][Graner], the caduceus and slumber, commerce, merchants, Hermes Trismegistus, and even the homunculus, but I'll try to stay on topic hahaha)(@ lurkers pls tell me if I'm on track or not)
anyway, I was mainly going off the song in the video played at the funeral service as well as the line in the song played at Pip's, but then when I was rewatching last night I heard the lyric "baby, baby, don't get hooked on me / 'cause I'll just use you then I'll set you free" and reframed all of these songs as warnings, as coded messages as if they are what Petey is trying to tell Mark and perhaps June about Lumon
I also revisited the comment about playing cards on one of my favorite posts in this community, and I think that's a far more accurate interpretation coupled with Petey's songs as warnings against being Severed and being lulled by what Lumon wants you to think is happening
a few specific notes on the songs:

• Hushabye
  • played at Pip's when Petey approaches Mark and gives him the 499 Half Loop Rd fucking awesome niece card in the red envelope that sets him down the rabbit hole of this mystery and starts him questioning bc "nothing down there is what they say"
  • lullaby > lulling to sleep > Petey is sent to wake Mark from his slumber?
  • key lyrics:
    • "guardian angels up above / take care of the one I love" << is Petey the guardian angel here?
    • "Sandman will be coming soon / singing you a slumber tune" << warning about Lumon in general? Graner being around? Cobel? the Severance chip?
• Baby Don't Get Hooked on Me
  • played during the reception before Petey's funeral service
  • also heard relatively prominently is someone saying this is the second time they've been here...
  • key lyrics:
    • "baby, baby, don't get hooked on me / 'cause I'll just use you then I'll set you free" << what Lumon does to severed workers and/or MDR?
    • "I ain't ready for no family ties / nobody's gonna hurry me" << Petey's situation or possibly not wanting to get involved with the Eagans and Kier, PE
• Enter Sandman
  • played during the funeral service in the form of a video of Petey and June performing it (Petey in blue; June in blue with a red stripe)
  • also when Cobel (possibly the Sandman or a reference here bc she works for the Sandman) drills a hole into Petey's skull and extracts his chip
  • prefaced by Petey saying in the video being played that they're gonna "melt your face off" with a rock tune and that it's rock show time...
    • melted eyeless faces from the short story
    • "Peter" means "rock" or "stone"
  • all of the lyrics can be understood in the context of this is a warning about getting the Severance procedure and the dangers of Lumon
    • particularly, though, "exit light / enter night / grain of sand / we're off to never-never land" referring to maybe both death and the testing floor with the grain of sand being the Severance chip as the tool of the Sandman

also since we're on Petey, I'll just end by dropping this here: https://www.nps.gov/articles/dr-kilmer-s-medicine-bottle.htm
I also wonder about Usonia and upstate NY and the roots of patent medicine, but that's for another conversation haha
what are your thoughts on all this?? thanks in advance—much appreciated 🐐🐟💧

I apologize that this is going to be long, but I need help with my marriage. My husband and I are in our 30's and are both family physicians. As a physician, mental health treatment is severely limited as we have to disclose depression, anxiety, etc. when applying for state licenses, board certification, etc. I constantly live in silent suffering, putting on a face for my patients and colleagues. I have crossed state lines and paid in cash to seek therapy but it hasn't been very helpful. I appreciate whoever takes the time to read this and help with advice.
My husband and I come from different backgrounds. I grew up poor in Appalachia, lived in a single-wide mobile home and ate things like ketchup packets, mashed potato flakes or coffee creamer. I had never went to the doctor and the first time I went to the dentist I was 17. My childhood was spent playing in the woods and babysitting my little brother who is 10 years younger than me. My mom worked the night shift and my dad worked the day shift. My dad was very religious, paranoid, verbally / physically abusive to me and my mom. One time I couldn't find the phone for him to call his cousin and he got mad, gathered up all my toys and burned them in the back yard. I began drawing my own paper dolls and when he found them, he ripped them up saying it was "idol worship." He would call me "child" instead of my name, for example, "hey child, make me a tuna sandwich." He always got the biggest portions of food. When I was 8 years old he told me not to call him "daddy" anymore to hurt my mom.
My mom was MIA with severe depression, just sleeping on her days off. Other things he did was beat my sibling so bad he couldn't go to school and I took video of it, showing the librarian who then called CPS. My dad was arrested, but since he was related to the judge, the case was dismissed. The years went by getting called names, hair pulling, doing all cooking and all the cleaning; he never lifted a finger. I was 16 years old when my mom found out my dad was cheating on her with a coworker and she needed the GeoTracker to go to work that night; he was going to take it to see his girlfriend, and he started beating my mom up. I jumped out the window to help my mom and my dad grabbed my hair, screaming, "I HATE YOU!!!!!!!" Over and over and over, his voice echoing throughout the holler.
Since I was really young I have experienced extreme empathy, to the point of being a people pleaser. I always wanted to help people and animals. I never threw trash on the ground, I helped injured animals. When I was 10 years old, I scooped up tadpoles from puddles so they wouldn't die when the puddle dried up and put them in an old broken fish aquarium, releasing them back to wild when they would grow legs. To this day, frogs have a special place in my heart.
I was bullied in high school because I brought paper dolls to my first day of freshman year, I was the youngest in my high school at 13 years old. My clothes smelled like moth balls. During a fake fire drill, students had to go on the football field and there an an instance where a male student urinated on me and threw a keychain at me that he lit on fire. I was bullied because I always wore coats, even in 80 degree weather. I was ashamed at how thin I looked, I have always looked way younger than what I really am. I attempted suicide twice when I was a teenager.
I made good grades, was salutatorian of my class. I was able to get a full paid scholarship to a nearby college but I rejected it and took out a massive amount of student loans to attend University 4 hours away. I wanted to branch out in the world and I wanted to become a physician. I wanted to see what was beyond the mountains. I truly wanted to help people as it brought me happiness.
When I was 17, I started my freshman year of college. I did not know how to drive, did not have a car, my speech / grammar was very bad (I had to learn how to speak proper English), I basically lacked common sense. I walked everywhere - to campus, to the bank, to the grocery store. I had severe social phobia and anxiety. My last class to complete my bachelor of science degree was oral communications (night class as I hate public speaking). Sometimes a grocery store trip took 2 hours. During this time, to make extra money, I began selling art on eBay, making enough money to cover the monthly rent an bills. I drew portraits and also anime fanart.
Fast forward through med school, my social phobia began to improve as I got more exposure talking to people. It was my first day of clinical rotation on internal medicine and no one would show me how to write a progress note except one student. I was so shocked that someone could be this nice, to take time out of their schedule to help me. I continued to follow him like a lost puppy and we became friends. I had never dated anyone before and after 6 months of being friends he asked me to go to Starbucks. We eventually got engaged, then married, and moved to separate states to do our residencies.
Some background information about my husband - he was born in India and moved to Canada as a child. His dad was in the navy and his mom was a teacher. They had servants growing up who did all the cleaning, cooking, etc. He was given pretty much anything he asked for, which looking back, explains a lot of his behavior.
After completing residency, we finally moved to start our family practice careers. When we started living together as a married couple, things started to change. He expected me to wait on him - cook, clean, head massage, fold his clothes - basically everything his mother did for him. And if I did not do something right or not do it right away, he would get upset and run and tell his mother everything. He talked to her about our arguments all of the time.
Overtime, he began calling me names like b****, neurotic, crazy, delusional, childish, etc. Several months ago I was washing a large plastic bin in the sink and he was concerned I would knock a glass onto the floor and it would break. He started screaming at me, took the bin from me, threw it in the hall and then slapped me in the back of the head. Over the years, he would belittle me, make fun of where I grew up, call me naïve if I did not know how something worked. A few months ago he wanted chicken and so I made some in the Air Fryer, but it wasn't the same as his mom's chicken, and he yelled at me, saying I ruined the chicken and told his mom. I offered to make the chicken again, but he refused to eat it if I did, and DoorDashed Chinese food. He also calls me weird and says no one else would put up with me - meaning my collection of Sailor Moon dolls and Animal Crossing merchandise is a turn off. (BTW, when I was in medical school, I played a lot of Animal Crossing back in those days, they were so positive!)
He will not let me sleep in the same bed, saying I disturb his sleep. He sleeps in the Master Bedroom and I either sleep in the living room on the couch or in the attic. There was an instant where he had gone to sleep and I needed a new toothbrush, so I snuck in the Master Bedroom, crawling with my cellphone light on, but he saw it, got extremely angry and went to knock everything over in my closet, screaming obscenities. I could not sleep that night and had to go into the clinic in the morning to see patients, pretending nothing was wrong. My eyes were extremely swollen from crying and the staff had asked if I was feeling ok, thinking I was getting COVID. I dreaded coming home, often times hoping I would get in a car accident and die.
Last year I was diagnosed with autoimmune diseases narcolepsy and ankylosing spondylitis after contracting COVID from a patient who lied about having it during the COVID pre-screen questionnaire. I had to establish with neurologist and rheumatologist for treatment, and now take medications. Due to my declining health, I had to leave my clinic job as a family physician and now I work from home via Telehealth.
Something happened last night that made me realize my husband does not love me, and honestly, I don't believe anyone in this world loves me. I don't think I love myself. I wanted to sleep in the same bed with my husband and he got upset, saying I woke him up with having restless legs. He threw the blanket off of me, tore off the heated eye mask I was wearing and turned on the tv to 80 points so that I would leave the room. He then passed gas extremely loud and then LAUGHED as I started to cry. I left, going up to the attic to sleep.
When I try to talk to my husband about how I feel, he always turns it around on me, saying I have a big ego, I can't take criticism and I'm too sensitive. When I request I would like him to be more positive, he says things like, "this is the real world, people aren't nice." I think he became a physician because he was expected to, not because he wanted to. He starts to say things like, "I do all kinds of things for you! I pay the bills, take the dog places, follow up on important tasks that you forget!"
I apologize for the long essay, this is the first time I have told my story, to strangers on the internet. I often think what is my purpose in life? I miss my patients from the clinic, I miss that human bond. Now I feel lonely, hopeless and don't know where to go from here. What can I do to improve my life and my self esteem without the medical board knowing?

Available 04/01/23 in SF (Amazon CrockeMission) $1,800/monthly.
It's like your own apartment basically...Master Bedroom with bathroom and private entrance available in San Francisco (Amazon-CrockeMission).Very large two-story furnished 3-bedroom 2-bathroom (Large home includes an office, gym, living room, dining room, breakfast nook, full kitchen) house in the Amazon-CrockeMission area. An unfurnished master bedroom with a private bathroom, private entrance, and a huge linen closet is available in the 3,400 sq ft home.
About your area of the house (Ground level):On the lower level of the house, we have the big master bedroom with a bathroom with an LED-lit toilet with remote control bidet (including a dry fan and tons of options), and a bathtub/shower with a handheld shower head.The available Master bedroom has LED recessed lighting with dimmers, brand new double pane windows, built-in recessed walls with LED lighting along the walls, and a nice size closet. Also comes with a big linen closet next to the bathroom.
The ground level also has a gym (with a treadmill, elliptical, free weights, yoga mat, inversion table, weighted hula hoop, and yoga ball), a furnished office, a backyard with a brick fire pit/pizza oven, and a garage with private entrance (including a brand new smart LG washer and dryer, electric garage door opener with code access, and another room for additional storage).
House also includes parking for one car (a reserved spot for you in the driveway!) and additional free street parking (street cleaning once a week on Friday from noon-1 pm). Parking for three cars total, we each have a car (2 of 3 spots taken).
The house also has nice parquet hardwood floors throughout, heat and air conditioning (really nice when we have heat waves), LED recessed lighting with dimmers, and brand new double pane windows in every room. The available master bedroom has dimmers and brand new windows as well.
About the upper level (shared):On the upper level of the house is the main front door, 2 bedrooms, a second bathroom, a furnished large living room with nice big bay windows (overlooks Salesforce tower downtown and Twin Peaks), a furnished formal dining room with an awesome chandelier, breakfast nook, kitchen (with new stainless steel appliances including dishwasher, garbage disposal, digital gas stove range, stainless steel fridge, stainless steel microwave, and bonus appliances such as a Ninja, Air Fryer, and Nutri-bullet).
About us:We are two females in our late 30s (sisters), we have stable careers in tech, and we are very open-minded. LGBTQ friendly, 420 friendly, and environmentally friendly. Looking for someone who is responsible and somewhat tidy (no hoarders please lol). We don't have parties or have lots of company. We travel a lot and are gone about 50% of the time (I am at my boyfriend's house a lot).
Pets:I have a cat ("Sasha" Fierce) and a dog (Roxy), both girls, and they stay upstairs (with baby gates). They are indoor and very well-behaved (Roxy does not bark). They mostly stay our rooms and are lazy cuddlers.
Details:The room is available 04/01/23. The rent is $1,800 (pro-rated if the move-in date is not on the 1st). The deposit is $1,800. No pets, please (fish or small reptiles okay). No smoking cigs inside (outside okay with an ashtray), 420 okay.
There are also utilities we split monthly, PGE, garbage, water, fibewifi (Very FAST! Fiber - Fusion 1Gbps with multiple eeros for a great connection!), and an optional occasional housekeeper and landscaper (Utilities average $175-250 per month each).
The home is furnished and the available bedroom is not. The house is large with two levels, the downstairs portion of the house feels like its own apartment almost since the front door to the house is on the second level and the entrance downstairs is through the downstairs garage door (we rarely saw our last roommate).
We don't NEED a roommate but we have so much extra space and it is such a great place, that it doesn't make sense not to have another one especially since we are rarely home and the home is so big.
If you are interested or know someone who is interested, please reach out to me so we can set up a meeting!
More pictures can be viewed here: https://imgur.com/a/9rBSo0m415-845-3551 Natalie
(Original ad here: https://tinyurl.com/eds5257b)